So I Weep

I'm not feeling well.

I'm not sick, really, just not feeling...well.

Actually, that's not true.

I feel like crap.

I would usually rather burn my hair than admit that in public...or private. I usually grin and bear it. But I made this blog so I could bitch, moan, and complain at will.

I stopped taking my medication last October because we ran out of money...and then my husband lost his job and we had no insurance AND no money. They're not psych meds, so hush. They're for...never mind. If you know me, you know why I take them, and if you don't know...you may ask or wonder.

Anyway. Last week, my mother offered to fund a return to my MD and medication. Bless her.

Trouble is, restarting the meds means I get to feel like three kinds of Hell for a while, until I get used to them again. Yay.

I've had a headache since yesterday, bad enough it's made me cry a few times. I've been the only parent home with the boy all weekend. He is unrelenting in his boyishness, his energy, and I have tried very hard not to shed tears in his presence or to yell at him for being himself. I have succeeded, at the cost of a little more of my sanity. Sigh.

I'm exhausted, despite a decent night's sleep - and all I really wanted to do tonight was talk to Someone for a little while, crawl into my bed alone, and die until tomorrow, when I have to peel myself up and go get blood drawn for labs.

Sigh.

Denied.

The chat service we use to connect online is being mean to me, constantly dropping me out of chat. Someone keeps disappearing, and I don't know if it's the chat or because he's also busy tinkering with a new gadget, or may have fallen asleep - it's getting late, he works long hours and has to be up early in the morning. I could call...but his phone is off because it was misbehaving, and anyway I don't like to call after a certain time in case he's sleeping.

Sigh, again.

And my head still hurts.

I'm frustrated, and lonely, and could really use hearing Someone's voice, and I'm whining and ill...and so...I weep.

I am going to go bury my head in my pillow and hope the phone rings soon...