There are tears swimming along the edges of my eyes. They sting, they make my vision blur at odd moments, and they are the suspended promise of sweet, salty release, relief. I can't seem to shed them.
I don't dare shed them.
I'm afraid that once begun, they will never stop, or not until I have wept, and wept, and flooded every valley, sent the small creatures running for the peaks, forced people to swim or paddle canoes to rooftops, wait for rescue, all while the torrent continues.
They're caught in my throat, making it hard to swallow...although perhaps I am better off not swallowing them, as I am told that swallowing sorrow, anger, unspoken words causes cancer in the stomach, as does swallowing any evil thing.
I feel as though I am choking on them, the struggle hampered by the ligature of my life, of the lines wrapped around me, binding me to a place I do not want to be but lack the courage to cut myself free from.
So here I sit with this unutterable something lodged in my mind, my eyes, my heart, my throat, and I'm choking on it.
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Followers
About Me
- Knight Angel
- The Leaden Plains, Inmost Secrets
- Most often, I am an ordinary woman living an ordinary life in an ordinary world, but sometimes...sometimes I am a blighted soul, benighted by doubt, self-recrimination, anger, bitterness, rage, resentment, and the darker human emotions. Then, I am the Knight Angel, and then I write hard, sharp, slicing words and leave them to be found by like-minded souls or the unwary. Caution: Here there be dragons, demons, and creatures of the worst sort.
The Rules
If you know or even think you know who The Knight Angel is, keep it to yourself.
If you think someone else will benefit from this place, show them the door. If you're thinking about telling someone about the Lament because you know they're mentioned here and want to stir the pot - don't. Don't be a dick.
Remember, this is a place for me to dump my worst thoughts and feelings. If you know me and want to discuss what you've read here, ask once. Respect my need not to talk about it. Respect my desire to separate myself from it. Respect my process.
No using my content to poke anyone else in the ego, or any other part of their emotional anatomy. No copying, no borrowing of content with my express permission.
If you don't like what I'm writing, quit reading. I am not going to filter or sugar-coat what I am feeling. This is my dumping ground. I don't need you to like me - I need a place to put these things so they don't fester in my mind.
Thought is NOT action. Thinking is NOT doing.
If you don't like me, remember...this is just ONE part of my being. I am human. I have dark, bleak thoughts and feelings. I can own them, can face them, can acknowledge that they don't define me. Can you do the same?
Failure to comply with these rules will result in the Lament becoming a private party, and quite probably a certain Knight Angel putting a big cosmic whammy on your ass. Fair warning - play nice or piss off.
If you think someone else will benefit from this place, show them the door. If you're thinking about telling someone about the Lament because you know they're mentioned here and want to stir the pot - don't. Don't be a dick.
Remember, this is a place for me to dump my worst thoughts and feelings. If you know me and want to discuss what you've read here, ask once. Respect my need not to talk about it. Respect my desire to separate myself from it. Respect my process.
No using my content to poke anyone else in the ego, or any other part of their emotional anatomy. No copying, no borrowing of content with my express permission.
If you don't like what I'm writing, quit reading. I am not going to filter or sugar-coat what I am feeling. This is my dumping ground. I don't need you to like me - I need a place to put these things so they don't fester in my mind.
Thought is NOT action. Thinking is NOT doing.
If you don't like me, remember...this is just ONE part of my being. I am human. I have dark, bleak thoughts and feelings. I can own them, can face them, can acknowledge that they don't define me. Can you do the same?
Failure to comply with these rules will result in the Lament becoming a private party, and quite probably a certain Knight Angel putting a big cosmic whammy on your ass. Fair warning - play nice or piss off.
2 comments:
Let it out, or you will explode,
or simply become a zombie.
So easily said, so easily thought, Cynthia...but not as easily done when one has become so used to being fused shut. Sigh.
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