Hypothermia

Have you ever been out in the snow?

In a blizzard?

The flakes come at you hard and fast, blinding, and if you don't know where you're going, you can get lost.

Get lost, and you're in trouble - you need shelter, somewhere to keep warm and safe, a haven.

Stay out in it, and you find yourself growing colder, withdrawing inward...until you are overcome by an warm, sweet lassitude, melting into your bones and sapping your strength, your will, until you lie down in the snow and slip away, not even shivering any more.

It's been snowing in my heart, in my mind, for a very long time. Years. I've grown cold, remote, and unable to rise to my own defense, to rouse myself and care, to fight.

I've finally come to a place where I am so chilled, I am warm...and it's a dangerous place. Suddenly, I am floating, drifting through my own life, with no attachment to what is happening around me. I feel limp, weak, lazy, like placing my head on the earth, curling around myself, and drifting off to sleep...

Dangerous. Dangerous place.

And the place I thought was a shelter, a safe haven, a place that was supposed to help me weather these storms?

He's watching TV, oblivious, and I just can't seem to care enough to try and salvage things...

I'd rather just lie here, floating, until I'm gone.

*Edit - after playing around on youTube this evening, I rana cross this, and thought it was apropriate...